you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
