Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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