can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The adults are the big ones right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
