you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do vagina's smell?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
