currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
