The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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