I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
