i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
