this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
