So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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