so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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