I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
