Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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