How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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