I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
