There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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