Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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