this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
