I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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