Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
