how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
