When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Randomize
