Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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