I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
