I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
