I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
4 words: hood of his car
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
