You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
