I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
