you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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