dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
