Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
