I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
