Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
