It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
