I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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