my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
