i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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