she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
