Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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