ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
