Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
