No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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