Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
