Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
