you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
