i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hippo gnu deer
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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