Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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