please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
