4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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