Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
