Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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