And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
