This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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