Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
